So much for my vow to keep my journal updated...

The truth is, so very much has happened that I can barely make sense of my own thoughts, let alone articulate them and put them on paper in anything resembling coherency. But for the first time in weeks, I feel centered. Strong. I hadn't even realized how lost I'd been...

What happened at Saki's funeral is by now common knowledge, and I couldn't stand to rehash it, regardless. Everyone seems to be healing, more or less, and the church--well, the church has finally returned to its former beauty, thanks in very large part to our new benefactor, Matthew, who has a great many connections on the mainland and seems determined to protect and help the church and everyone in it. God knows we could use all the help we can get.

Though some would probably call it foolish, I've been trying to more brave in moving about the city; and so far, I have to say, I've been pleased. I've actually made a few friends. A few weeks ago, on a whim and a night I was feeling particularly lonely, I wandered into the Twilight Zone and stumbled into a bachelorette party for a Rena Mayne--I'd seen her before but we'd never met. As it turns out, she and her friends were lovely, and fun, and I actually let my guard down long enough to have a couple of drinks and, dare I say it, dance a little. Rena invited me to come back again, perhaps even join the sort of sisterhood they'd formed, and while I haven't taken her up on the offer, it's tempting. I hadn't relaxed like that since coming to Midian, and it was nice... it was good to lose myself in the music and the silliness for a couple of hours, just to not think and worry so much...

Anyway, I met another woman that night, Zephro, who's a bartender at the Milk Bar. She's a wild one, no doubt about it, but I've hung out with her a couple of times now--even, yes, ventured down into the Milk Bar myself--and I like her. My last encounter with her left me a little concerned, as she seemed nervous and not quite herself, but she was talking about changing jobs, moving on from being the "boobs behind the bar," and that has to be a good thing.

I met someone else, as well, who intrigued me. He's far different than anyone else I've met in Midian. Or, truly, anywhere. Interesting man... and as it turns out, he's from an area not far from where I grew up, on the mainland, and it was almost comforting, hearing the familiar accent. But as we parted ways in a rather embarrassing fashion and I'm not sure I'll ever see him again, I'll just leave it at that.

Probably the best friend I've made since coming here--other than Sister Lisbeth and little Luci, of course--is Elise, a catwalker who has become a regular at the church and who I've come to rely on quite a bit. Currently she's teaching me how to use a dagger, and while at first I was very wary about the whole thing--in fact, I'd put off learning self-defense far longer than I should have--I admit I've developed quite a fondness for the thing. Father Eamon says my stance is improving, and Elise says I have a strong arm. The aim still needs some work, but there's no question I'm more comfortable with the entire concept.

But did you think I'd end an entry without some bad news? Perish the thought. *sigh*

It would seem that for some inexplicable reason, the church has recently drawn the attention of a group of--men? demons? both? One man in particular, Hookum (who was partly responsible for what happened at Saki's funeral and has drawn the venom of all of us for other, more personal reasons), has made it a habit of stopping by, dropping in to make not-so-thinly veiled, if completely nonsensical, threats.

And, while I hate to admit it and am trying hard not to dwell on this fact, he seems to be focused on me, specifically.

There was another funeral, for Mitchell Howlett, a few nights ago. I only knew the man by name, and am unclear on the circumstances of his death. But as Matthew, Brother Lincoln (another new arrival, a monk, who's generally quiet--as I suppose monks tend to be--but seems very nice) and I were trying to prepare the church, Hookum walks in the front doors as if he were welcome there. He comes right up to me, and with a great show of bowing and feigning courtship and referring to me as "my lady," he leaves me... a bone. An old bone, a femur, upon closer look, but meaningless for all that.

I barely had time to stash it away before the service, but he wasn't done. A cloaked figure had been standing directly in front of me the entire time--not an unusual thing, so I'd paid it no mind--but as Father Eamon was ending the Mass, the cloaked figure--Hookum again, as it turned out--decided to take his chance to put on another show, disrespecting the dead and the mourners, all to leave me... another bone. The situation escalated when he wanted to take me aside to say something to me--a thing that of course I did not want to allow but wasn't about to let anyone go in my place. A compromise was reached, and Matthew stepped outside with him, Father Eamon keeping watch. When he returned, it was with a cryptic note, and talk of a riddle. At that point, I was so exhausted by the whole thing I just wanted to go home... we still haven't looked at the bones or note. We need to, I know.

And then the next day. I've only spoken of this to Father Eamon, so let me preface by saying the woman in question received medical help and I saw her later that evening, and she seemed... whole, and as well as could be expected. But I was in the church, alone, catching up on some paperwork, when a woman stumbled in the back door. She'd been drugged, and strangled, and though her voice was strained and painful to listen to, she managed to tell me that she'd been sent to me, by Hookum, with a message. That he would be back to finish his deed.

No, I don't know what any of it means. Father Eamon suggested he may just be trying to jerk us around, Matthew apparently thinks it might be something deeper... I don't know. I can't lie and say I'm not scared. I'd be foolish not to be. But I can't let some madman dictate my life...

But I think that's more than enough for now. I've been neglecting a few things, Zoe's and Luci among them, so I should be off. However I'm promising myself now, here where I can't miss it, that I WILL be better about updating...